Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Alone And Can't Fight Back

The past few days is a bit tough and exhausting. Only the four corners of my new room could tell what exactly happened to me. If only my pillows got wet indicators, it would have been glowing this time. They (my pillows) just absorbed the liters of tears from my eyes when I tried my very best to sleep and just forget the pain that I'm feeling.

I've been blamed several times in my life in various instances but I was able to surpass all of them. This is most painful blame that I ever had. I'm just trying to keep my temper because I know the moment i'll stood up against it, worst things can happen. 

I'm used to be alone but never in my entire life I felt this kind of loneliness. I've been asking myself several times what exactly happened and hoping that maybe I would be able to prove all their blames right. However, when I tried to look back, all I can see is a teenager who has been dreaming to become a nurse who was just asking her parents to help her become one. I know very well the financial capacity of my parents and during that time I have an educational plan to help them out.

Things just happen and I don't think it's my fault for the educational plan to fail. Since then, me going to school having nursing as my course has become a burden and later on become the family's misery.

Being seen as a product of a failed decision is one of the most painful things that could ever happen in your life and sad thing about it is that you can't fight back. How could you ever fight back if you know exactly that you would be hurting a sick person that you love so dearly. If anything bad happens, it would be a greater blame for sure.

My friends may be seeing me as the tough person who can stand against life's trials. A strong and driven individual who can immediately find solutions. They just don't know that I'm also good at hiding things.

I maybe hurt this time but still I remained hopeful and thankful it happened. Hopeful in the sense that this thing shall pass and everything would be alright in God's time. Thankful because all these time, the Lord has been with me and I know He has given me these trials for me to value the gift of family. I know it is also His way of keeping me on His side. -niceurdaneta-


Akiko Yamashita said...

we are always here for you. the ride to life is always hard, for all of us...we've got our fair shares of ups and down...just be the person we always believed in - - someone tough to conquer all the trials that may befall you.  we love you nicey....

Nice said...

thank you ate pao! i'm so blessed to have great friends...