Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Killing The Hope Off

Dear You

I just want to get straight to the point. Up to this time I'm still hoping that someday there could be us. I don't know, maybe among the very few people whom I believe I felt that love exists, you are the only one who remained not committed in a bond sealed by law and the Creator as of this time. However, I know that in a year and a few months you will be. Until that time comes, this hope will remain as it is. Though as the time comes near, I'd be killing it off slowly.

On the other hand, I'm also thinking that it would just give me a lot of pain if I'd do it slowly. Why not kill it as early as today? But how? Up to this time we are still updating ourselves (though in a different way) but you still exists in my system. You even stole the only moment I can call mine in this world, my very birthday. Every time it arrives, it would always remind me how you made it very special among my other birthdays. I hope someday that that very special moment would be covered with a more special one. 

You keep on presenting me great things in the world and telling that this life got amazing ways to live with. You even influenced me to develop interest in the world you're living even though it is way way far from what I'm educated to do. Every now and then you're sharing to me what you recently discovered having that confidence that I would be also liking it. Yes, whatever it is, I would be liking it not because it's likable but because you like it in the first place. I would like whatever you like. I would try to learn whatever you learned. I would be very willing to transform myself into someone whom you can relate with. 

Maybe it is my way of loving someone. I'm willing to sacrifice my own identity for the comfort of my other half. But then it is not healthy, it is definitely not the proper way of strengthening the foundation of the relationship because it is very one sided. Who knows the proper way anyway? After all, the bottom line of this thing is to live harmoniously with each other. 

My ID keeps on saying to me to grab what I want, demand the what I believe to make me happy but my EGO is telling me to stop. It is unrealistic and it is not possible to have it this time. This could drive me crazy you know?

I know it is not going to be easy, but I need to come up with a decision now. A firm decision that would mean no turning back. It is the time in my life that would be giving myself the credit of making my own happiness. It may sound selfish but it is my way of getting myself again, whom I've lost for quite some time already. 

I should have a time frame on my own and i'll make it sure that you won't be having a hard time dealing with it. Up to the last minute I'm still thinking of you reacting to it. But it doesn't matter, I know you could carry on. You've lived a life in your own way and losing me is just losing a very small part of your grand life.

I'm hoping for the best to come. I hope that someday, we would be able to see each other again with our own and happy lives. We'll stay friends that's for sure. I would always be living on what you've said, "we are friends,since birth 'til death". I guess that would conclude everything, we will be friends, and it will stay that way.

However, there would be changes, we'll stay as friends but this time without the communication nor the updating-each-other concept.

Sooner or later, you will just notice that the communication has been cut totally. Don't worry, this blog will always be present and will forever be here. If you want to know where I am and what I'm up to? Just check this blog every now and then and you'll be answered. My personal emails would always be there as well but sad to say that email you made for me for our business and safe-to-communicate-by-using-this-email transactions, will soon vanish. I want you to know that you can always open it 'coz I didn't change the password since you gave it to me.

I hope in your day-to-day blog walking you would be able to find this post. I'm not expecting it to be sooner but I'm hoping that sometime in your life you would be able to read it.

Saying goodbye,