Killing The Hope Off

Dear You

I just want to get straight to the point. Up to this time I'm still hoping that someday there could be us. I don't know, maybe among the very few people whom I believe I felt that love exists, you are the only one who remained not committed in a bond sealed by law and the Creator as of this time. However, I know that in a year and a few months you will be. Until that time comes, this hope will remain as it is. Though as the time comes near, I'd be killing it off slowly.

On the other hand, I'm also thinking that it would just give me a lot of pain if I'd do it slowly. Why not kill it as early as today? But how? Up to this time we are still updating ourselves (though in a different way) but you still exists in my system. You even stole the only moment I can call mine in this world, my very birthday. Every time it arrives, it would always remind me how you made it very special among my other birthdays. I hope someday that that very special moment would be covered with a more special one. 

You keep on presenting me great things in the world and telling that this life got amazing ways to live with. You even influenced me to develop interest in the world you're living even though it is way way far from what I'm educated to do. Every now and then you're sharing to me what you recently discovered having that confidence that I would be also liking it. Yes, whatever it is, I would be liking it not because it's likable but because you like it in the first place. I would like whatever you like. I would try to learn whatever you learned. I would be very willing to transform myself into someone whom you can relate with. 

Maybe it is my way of loving someone. I'm willing to sacrifice my own identity for the comfort of my other half. But then it is not healthy, it is definitely not the proper way of strengthening the foundation of the relationship because it is very one sided. Who knows the proper way anyway? After all, the bottom line of this thing is to live harmoniously with each other. 

My ID keeps on saying to me to grab what I want, demand the what I believe to make me happy but my EGO is telling me to stop. It is unrealistic and it is not possible to have it this time. This could drive me crazy you know?

I know it is not going to be easy, but I need to come up with a decision now. A firm decision that would mean no turning back. It is the time in my life that would be giving myself the credit of making my own happiness. It may sound selfish but it is my way of getting myself again, whom I've lost for quite some time already. 

I should have a time frame on my own and i'll make it sure that you won't be having a hard time dealing with it. Up to the last minute I'm still thinking of you reacting to it. But it doesn't matter, I know you could carry on. You've lived a life in your own way and losing me is just losing a very small part of your grand life.

I'm hoping for the best to come. I hope that someday, we would be able to see each other again with our own and happy lives. We'll stay friends that's for sure. I would always be living on what you've said, "we are friends,since birth 'til death". I guess that would conclude everything, we will be friends, and it will stay that way.

However, there would be changes, we'll stay as friends but this time without the communication nor the updating-each-other concept.

Sooner or later, you will just notice that the communication has been cut totally. Don't worry, this blog will always be present and will forever be here. If you want to know where I am and what I'm up to? Just check this blog every now and then and you'll be answered. My personal emails would always be there as well but sad to say that email you made for me for our business and safe-to-communicate-by-using-this-email transactions, will soon vanish. I want you to know that you can always open it 'coz I didn't change the password since you gave it to me.

I hope in your day-to-day blog walking you would be able to find this post. I'm not expecting it to be sooner but I'm hoping that sometime in your life you would be able to read it.

Saying goodbye,
ME
-niceurdaneta-

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Emoness and Loneliness In One

Sigh... sigh... sigh... All I can say is sigh... I can't even explain this lonely feeling that I'm feeling right now. I feel so alone. I'm used to be alone though but this time it's different. I can't even feel my existence. Maybe I'm tired of fitting myself in or I'm just tired of adjusting.I want to be me again. I'm not an OFW yet but the feeling of knowing no one around sinks within me. I can't move freely that I'm even watching every word I speak, every action I do, everything is being calculated and I so hate it. I want to be in a place that I can be myself in as much as I can. I know it sounds impossible but that's the very thing that I want right now. When will that damn thing I'm waiting in vain to arrive? Oh Lord please help me.

I don't care if this post is so nonsense for you but this is my only way of letting this hard feeling out. In as much as want to make this post long but I guess the entirety of this post will be about me feeling lonely and disregarded. That's all. I'm going back to work and I hope the succeeding days would be a lot better. T.T -niceurdaneta-

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A Letter For My GrandMother

Dear Nanay,

It's been a while since I last cared an elderly patient in the hospital and it deeply saddened me that I would be taking care of you in such setting. You may not be able to remember how I cared for you the other day or perhaps sooner or later you won't be able to remember even my name, I want you know that I love you very much.

As I watched you sleep the other night, I can't keep myself from smiling as I remember those days that you accompanied me up the stage to place my medal during recognition day. "One proud 'Lola'", the words I often hear from the audience when we go back to our seats from the stage. Then I can also remember those days that I would accompany you doing groceries. You would allow me to get whatever I want. 

Well, those were the days as they say. Now, you can't even walk that much even from your bedroom to your toilet. Sad thing I would be able to see you like that.

Always remember nay that you would always have a nurse-grandchild who will take care of you in whatever way she can do. I won't mind cleaning all your mess and lengthening my patience just for you. I would always be praying for your health and would always be hoping that we could still spend time together.

Loving you,
Granchild, RN
-niceurdaneta-

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Let's All Vote For Shamcey Supsup

I know that most us are hooked into our social networking sites right now and we spend so much time facing our laptop/PC online. May we all unite this time to vote for our very own Shamcey Supsup for the up coming Miss Universe pageant in Brazil. The Miss Universe Organization (MUO) has come up with a new way of putting a candidate automatically into the semi finals and that is through online voting. According to the organization, this would be the first time since the pageant started 60 years ago. Whoever wins in the online voting contest will have a secured spot in the semi finals. 

This is our chance to prove to the rest of the world that we can make it happen. Let's all unite and vote for Shamcey Supsup. Though Shamcey already got the beauty and brains to be included in the semis, we should also consider that she will be competing globally wherein all the other contestants are also equipped with such assets. If we can give have her that spot automatically then why not give it to her, right? ABS-CBN and The Araneta Center already had this "I Vote for Philippines, I Vote for Shamcey" campaign to support her.

According to the letter of Kristen Spirko, MUO Public Relations Coordinator to the national directors, "Fans residing in represented countries will be able to vote online at www.missuniverse.com or www.NBC.com starting on Friday, August 19, 2011 at 4 p.m. ET through Sunday, September 11, 2011 at 6 p.m. ET." That would be August 20, 2011 4:00 am Philippine time and September 12, 2011 6:00 am respectively. We could vote up to 10 times for each email per day. 

Here is the step by step process on how to vote which I got from showbizrenegade.com

1. Log on to www.missuniverse.com or www.NBC.com

2. Click CONTESTANTS
3. Look for Philippines
4. Click VOTE
5. Type in your email address.
6. Entry the Captcha code

7. Confirm that you are 16 years old and above and the box below it as well 

5. Give Miss Philippines (Shamcey Supsup) a "10" ranking (1 is the lowest rank while 10 is the highest)

6. A successful message will then be displayed on your computer screens.


or simply click here and follow the steps mentioned above. Remember 10 votes per email per day. If you have numerous emails use them all then. Please spread the news...

Let's all give Shamcey the "10" ranking that she deserves folks! 

-niceurdaneta-

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Letters For You; Getting To Know What Is This All About

The idea of having this portion in my blog started when I came across the blog of my friend Hencel. She had this one post entitled "A LETTER FOR MY EX-BOYFRIEND" and I find the post very appealing. She showed me a unique way of letting someone know what you truly feel without compromising the identity of the person. I guess having these posts will allow me to send messages to a person whom until now, I don't have the courage to tell my feelings face to face. 

We can't just simply share what we are feeling to our friends or love ones. There are instances that the only person whom we're comfortable to share it with, is our only self. Blogging is my other self and it has been my companion every time I'm online.

I know that all the posts in this portion of my blog can be viewed by anyone. But I'm pretty sure that only those who truly know me could ever understand its contents. And of course, if the reader is sensitive enough, he/she would be to know that he/she is the recipient of the letter.

Basically the posts on this portion of my blog would have the letter type format. It would start with "Dear You" and end with but not limited to LOVE/Sincerely yours/Respectfully Yours/Missing You, ME.

This is my way of reviving the snail mails that we used to have in the past. I find those things more sincere and heartfelt but due to the advancement of technology, these snail mails are rarely sent. Almost everyone have cellphones, laptops and internet connection these days and conveying messaging has never been difficult.

I hope the recipients of my letters would be able to read their mails. Rest assured that I won't be spilling any of their personal and private information in my posts. I'm just not sure how are they going to find it. They might be non-techy people but I guess it's alright because the main purpose of my letters is purely sharing my feelings in such a way that I believed to be the most sincere and heartfelt. I won't really care if that particular person would be able to discover my blog or this portion in particular. What matters to me is that somewhere in the world wide web, I was able to share my feelings.

-niceurdaneta-

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Joining Nemo; My First Scuba Diving Experience

I don't know why it took me two (2) years to blog about my first and hopefully not my last SCUBA Diving experience. The idea of blogging about it popped out when one of my friend Naprey posted his scuba pics. All of a sudden I began to think about what happened that day. For a non-swimmer like me, being able to surpass that challenge was such an achievement. Anxiety began to encapsulate my entire self the time that my friends started the plan. Two of us in the group don't know how to swim that's why I was confident enough that she's going to suggest another getaway other than Scuba Diving but I was wrong! Among all of us she's the most excited! grrr! 

Anyway, since no one opposed the Scuba Diving plan, I had no choice but to face it. As far as I can remember, we paid Php750 each that time for a 45-minute underwater exploration with underwater pictures. There was also a package which includes your meal but I couldn't remember how much and I also don't know if they still have it this time. What we had was just an "intro-dive" and we had our own diving instructor/guide as we explore the beauty underwater.

We went to their office as early as 7:00am. I'm very sorry but I just can't remember the name of diving company and I don't want to give wrong information here. All I remember was that it is located right after Magsaysay Park on the block going to the Sta. Ana Wharf. I'm pretty sure they are still there up to this time. We will be travelling by a small boat locally known as "latsa (lancha)" as we go to the diving site. Since we were only 9 in the group, we joined the other small groups in the trip. As you can see, we were in all smiles but deep inside, very anxious of what might happen later.

(Sheng, Johnny, Digs, Me)

(Egon, Ate Pao, James)

(Cristal and Rhyz)

Then someone from our diving instructors started the orientation on our way to the diving site. He said that we are going to dive in the Angel Cove. Well, whatever was that place, I didn't care because I'm waiting for him to say that diving is safe for non-swimmers. That's the very thing that bothers me all along. If in case he will mention that you need to know how to swim before you can dive, then I would be very willing to stay in the boat, eat our food and take pictures. However, as to my astonishment, he mentioned the phrase right before he started discussing what SCUBA Diving is all about. "NON-SWIMMERS CAN DEFINITELY DIVE". My eyes grew larger and my heart beat faster, so I'm not exempted at all. He also mentioned the meaning of SCUBA which is self contained underwater breathing apparatus. He's referring to the tank and all those tubes that comes with it. It will provide the air that the diver will need underwater. He also said that we need to hydrate ourselves in as much as we can because our throat would definitely be dried up afterwards.  Such thing will happen because we will be using our mouth to breathe in and breathe out. In short, we can't moisten our mouth with our saliva. Try to do it and you would know what I'm talking about. Then he gave us the Do's and Don'ts and the important hand signals that we will be using underwater. Of course we can't chitchat down there or else we would all be filling ourselves with sea water.

And that's it, everything's all set. We put on our wet suit and off we go.

All of a sudden I panicked, the tank was very heavy and I don't know how will I get into the water. Will I jump or what?! Help! Then those men assisting me said I should imagine myself having a big step. Wooo! and that was arghh! I thought I'm going deep down because of the heavy tank on my back but I'm still floating. Well, along with the tubes, the tank comes with a certain vest that can be inflated as your life jacket. My diving instructor went near me and gave me last minute instructions, we even practiced the breathe in breathe out using our mouth for the last time. Then he asked me if I'm ready to go down, because the moment I'll say yes, he will deflate the vest and we'll start sinking. He adjusted some sort of meters in my tank and we went down. I almost forgot that I had my goggles on because at first I was closing my eyes. When I opened it, wow! so this is the world of Ariel (Little Mermaid). Now I'm wondering where's Nemo... Then my instructor checked me if I'm okay, I replied with the "okay" hand signal (tip of the thumb to the tip of the pointing finger making a circle). And we went deeper, the pressure in my ear is now getting higher and it's getting painful, we were taught beforehand that when this happens, we just have to "equalize" (pinch our nose and then exhale hard while keeping the mouth shut).

Now I'm seeing the beautiful coral reefs

(Me and my diving instructor)

and there's NEMO!

Sheng and her dive instructor

and the picture taking continues...

and that's it, what a very nice experience. Although this thing happened two years ago, I can still feel the excitement by just merely thinking about it. I suddenly want to try it again with the hope to have the same group of friends with me. 

Tiring but fulfilling, no wonder after the trip I slept the entire afternoon.

-niceurdaneta-

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When It Rains, It Pours and Washes Away My Internet Signal :(

I just don't know if there is any technical explanation to this but a lot has been saying that their internet signal weakens when it's raining. Well, it appears true to me. However, I do believe that the kind of internet connection that you have is also a great factor. As to my case, I'm using the very unstable broadband plug-it modem where users can have the maximum 2.00Mbps speed. Take note, it is not fixed, that is just the maximum speed that your plug-it could ever have. To be honest, I've never seen that 2.00Mbps figure in my plug-it's monitoring window ever since I had it.For a person like me who utilizes the internet 24/7 to earn a living, its speed is very important. I've been thinking of making my entire place a wifi area before but since I'm not living in my permanent residence and the possibility of transferring can happen anytime, I didn't pursue it. That's the very reason why I chose the post-paid plug-it modem so that wherever I go, I can have an internet connection.

Yes, I have the luxury of accessibility but I'm suffering the unstable signal and the very slow speed. There was even a time that both of my uploading and downloading rate are having the irritating 0.00 figures. I can't even have a decent video call in skype or in Yahoo Messenger (good thing I don't have a long distance relationship wherein a video call is a must LOL!). Anyway, at times likes that, I discovered one thing that could boost my internet connection. It was shared to me by my doctor friend and when I tried it myself, it works. He said that whenever you're buffering a Youtube video or any videos online like anime series episodes, your uploading and downloading rates will increase. That's why the first two spots in my 31-tab chrome window are occupied by narutoget.com and Youtube's longest video. 

Now going back to the topic that made me post this entry. Does the rain really affect the internet signal? I need some technical explanation about it because the country is already in its rainy season nowadays and I might be having a very slow internet connection most of the time. -niceurdaneta-

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The Essence of Checking, Re-Checking And Verifying

A stressful day indeed and I know just one thing to get rid of this pissed feeling, to blog it out. I'm sorry if I'm making the blogsphere my warehouse of sentiments and heartaches. It is just that the blogsphere is my only companion especially that I don't get a chance to talk to people that often because of my "24/7-all eyes-in front-of-the-laptop" work. Time for me is very precious, that's why going out of the house won't be made unless it is very necessary.

Now let's talk about what made me pissed off a while ago. Let's just say, I spared a lot of hours just to follow up something in one of our government offices and then I found out that because of their negligence, my precious time, money and career would be compromised. You wan't to know what is this government office that I'm talking about?

Well, i'm not going to name it directly but let's just say it is the part of the government that regulates anything about the professionals in the country. For those of you who are license holders like me, you better read further because what happened to me might be happening to you too in the future.

A month ago, I went to their office to request for an authentication of my Board Rating, Board Certificate and Professional License, DFA authentication to be specific. Since I'm living in Davao City and all DFA (Department of Foreign Affairs) Authentication happens in their main office in Manila, they had this courier system that would let you receive your authenticated documents (red ribbon) right at your doorstep. Of course there would be an extra pay for it and the processing period lasts weeks. That's why I had it processed one month before the deadline that I set for myself.

Unfortunately, during that time, my renewed license didn't arrive yet (like duh! it takes 3-4months before it would be available). Instead, I only requested for a certification that my renewal is still on process. When I approached Window 2 and talked to their personnel, she told me that my CERTIFICATE OF RENEWAL UNDER PROCESS can't be "Red Ribboned" because DFA would only authenticate the license or the card per se. Well, if she says so, then I believe her. So she only processed my Board Rating and Board Certificate for "Red Ribbon". Thinking that I might be needing a certified true copy of my CERTIFICATE OF RENEWAL UNDER PROCESS, I requested for it on the same day. 

Then I went to the courier company and paid for my documents. I waited for weeks until I received a call from them that I have some parcel to pick up from their office. The parcel came from DFA. Curious and doubtful, I opened it and found out that it is a "Red Ribboned" CERTIFICATE OF RENEWAL UNDER PROCESS. How come? I thought it isn't possible. There's must be something wrong happened. Then I asked the courier personnel if there are still documents coming for me as I also requested for my BOARD RATING and BOARD Certificate. Sad to say, she said NONE! Hwhat???! How could it be? I presented to them my receipt and it stated there clearly that 2 documents were processed and how come only one came and the wrong one too. She advised me to go the government office where I processed everything and check what happened.

So I went there. Then I remembered that I had my CERTIFICATE OF RENEWAL UNDER PROCESS certified as true copy the last time I went there. I looked for my claim stub and got it from the claim section. When it was handed over, I almost freaked out upon seeing the documents. It isn't the CERTIFICATE OF RENEWAL UNDER PROCESS but the BOARD RATING and BOARD CERTIFICATE. Now it's as clear as the fresh water of Davao City. Their office passed the wrong document to the DFA and authenticated the wrong one! The lady on Window 2 even accused me of passing the wrong document. How dare her?! How will I be able to pass anything to the DFA wherein fact I only got claim stubs. It is clearly their fault and what happened is purely negligence. Then she told me to send AGAIN the documents to the DFA through the courier. Hey hey hey! Would that mean I would be paying again? That's unfair! Why would I pay for someone else's fault. I didn't agree to what she suggested. I told her that I want them to pay for the courier fees. It's their fault after all. They should have checked, re-checked and verified everything before they sent it. 

Actually, they didn't only waste my money but my precious time above all. Reprocessing the entire thing would take several weeks and those documents are very essential for my upcoming job. They could have ruined my precious career.

Good thing I was able to keep all my receipts and second copies. It pays to have evidences. That's all! Thank you for reading. 

PS: If it happens to you, don't just listen to them like children. Fight for your right.

-niceurdaneta-

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